Finale

Aku sudah tiada rasa untuk blogging di blog ini. Jadi blog ini akan direhatkan bagi satu jangkamasa yang aku tak boleh tentukan sehingga aku membuat keputusan samada untuk meneruskan blogging di blog ini atau tidak. Terima kasih di atas kunjungan dan sokongan kamu, kamu dan kamu yang setia mengunjungi blog ini walaupun jarang jarang sekali empunya blog mengemaskini blog ini.

Aku mungkin akan blogging di blog lain di bawah nama yang lain. Tengoklah, kalau aku rajin. Akhir kata, maaf zahir dan batin kalau ada tersilap kata terkasar bahasa.

Sekian. TAMAT.

A Comeback!

Welcome 2009! It's been a week already and I am being onslaught by an affliction called extreme laziness syndrom! So much of my new year resolution of fulfilling my last year resolution which is to fulfil my previous years resolutions! Confused?! Sorry, but you have to figure it out yourself!

I have several things to do but my so called 'affliction' weakens my body and mind and I am unable to do anything but to succumb to it. In order to fight this illness, I've slept through out my lunch hour, drank 2 cans of energy booster drinks and update this blog (errr...this update also is contributed by the fact that KPD has already threaten me for not updating my blog and I have to update before Akraffame, who is now dutifully and diligently spreading her knowledge to the Malaysian students in one of universities in South Malaysia, started to also threaten me).

Well, what is my approach to life in this 2009? I have decided that I no longer want to waste my time and energy over petty matters, I no longer want to dwell over failed friendship, I no longer want to worry over lack of money, I no longer want to complaint over stupid politicians...in short, I just want to enjoy life as it is!

Siri Bicara dengan Hati

Aku: Apa yang kamu tahu tentang hidup?

Hati: Aku tahu hidup itu payah, tapi harus diteruskan. Hidup itu ada bahagia yang tak tersingkap, ada derita yang tak terucap, ada mimpi yang seindah fantasi, tapi realiti selalunya ngeri.

Aku: Kamu terlalu berfalsafah

Hati: Mungkin. Aku senang begitu, kerana ia mampu memujuk aku, dan mampu menjadikan kamu lebih berfikir.

Aku: *Sinis*Iya? Aku rasa aku sudah terlalu sinikal dengan hidup.

Hati: Ah, kamu cuma tidak tahu mencari keindahan hidup. Dunia ini penuh dengan keindahan, kamu hanya perlu tahu mencarinya.

Aku: Ah...kamu terlampau idealistik. Aku rasa semua keindahan hidup sudah diragut jembalang-jembalang yang bertopeng manusia. Keindahan hidup cuma boleh dirasai mereka yang punya kuasa dan harta.

Hati: Kamu terlalu negatif. Kamu rasa harta dan kuasa akan memelihara mereka sentiasa? Satu hari nanti mereka tentu jatuh.

Aku: Bila? Sewaktu aku sudah menutupkan mata?

Hati: Aku tak mampu menjawab soalanmu. Tapi bukankah kita harus mewariskan sesuatu pada anak-anak kita?

Aku: Apa yang mampu kita wariskan? Derita? Air mata? Hipokrasi manusia yang bergelar politikus?

Hati: Kita wariskan dunia yang lebih baik, dunia yang lebih bertamadun.

Aku: *Sinis* Kau bercakap tentang tamadun, tapi apa yang aku nampak cuma kemodenan tanpa ketamadunan. Manusia hari ini lebih keji dari binatang. Lebih jahat dari Fira'un.

Hati: Kamu terlalu berpersepsi negatif!

Aku: Tidak. Aku cuma realistik. Kamu rasa dunia ini boleh dibersihkan, sedangkan itu sudah menjadi lumrah. Di mana-mana sahaja, si kecil sentiasa tertindas. Lihat sahaja kita, beritahu aku, berapa kali kamu tidak mendapat sesuatu yang memang kamu layak hanya kerana seseorang yang lebih berpengaruh, lebih berharta mahupun sesuatu yang sama?

Hati: *Diam*

Aku: *Ketawa*

Hati: Kamu sudah mempersoalkan qada' dan qadar. Kamu harus menerimanya dengan hati yang pasrah.

Aku: Tidak. Aku tidak mempersoalkan qada' dan qadar. Tapi aku mempersoalkan kebohongan manusia, kekejian manusia.

Hati: Kamu tahu bukan apa yang terjadi itu adalah ketentuanNya, ada hikmah disebaliknya. Kamu harus redha.

Aku: Itulah silap kamu. Sikit-sikit redha, sikit-sikit pasrah, sikit-sikit takdir. Kamu tahu bukan Islam tidak pernah menyuruh kamu menyerah segalanya pada takdir. Malah Islam juga menyatakan kita boleh mengubah takdir sekiranya kamu berusaha dan berdoa padaNya.

Hati: *Sinis* Dan kamu, ada kamu berusaha? Ada kamu berdoa padaNya? Ada kamu patuh padaNya?

Aku: *Diam*

Hati: Kamu bercakap tentang realiti, tentang idealistik dan hipokrasi. Tapi realitinya kamu adalah manusia yang hanya bermimpi kan sebuah idealism. Kamu adalah manusia yang hipokrit pada diri sendiri dan penciptaNya. Tak perlu melaungkan ketidak adilan kalau kamu sendiri tidak mengerti apa itu keadilan. Kamu manusia yang hanya tahu berpaksikan ideologi tapi tidak tahu mempraktikkannya!

Aku: Kamu menuduh aku...

Hati: Tidak. Aku tidak menuduh, aku hanya menyatakan kebenaran! Kamu harus belajar untuk adil pada diri sendiri dahulu, barulah kamu boleh berbicara tentang ketidakadilan hidup terhadap kamu.

Aku: *Lemah* Aku cuma mahukan ketenangan, aku mahu hidup yang indah.

Hati: Seperti yang aku katakan, jangan mengharap semuanya datang kepada kamu, semuanya mudah terbentang di depan mata, carilah sendiri ketenangan itu, keindahan itu dan kau akan tahu betapa adilnya hidup ini.

A Story...

Around 7 pm last Monday I received SMS from my brother, informing me that my cousin has passed away. It comes as a great shock to me, as my cousin is only 20 years old and he was healthy. Apparently, according to his parents, he had an on-off fever for almost 2 weeks already and he had gone to clinics and hospital. Those stupid doctors told him there's nothing wrong with him and his fever is stress related because he was having his final exam at that time. They ignored the fact that he was complaining of joints and muscles pain and his fever had been more than a week. In fact they accused the mom as 'memandai-mandai' when the mom asked for a blood test.

The first time the parents brought him to the emergency section at the hospital, it took the stupid doctors and nurses 3 hours to attend to him, regardless the fact that this boy was so pale and cannot move. They only attended to him when the mom called her friend who worked as a nurse at the same hospital. Only then they attended to him. And when the doctor check his blood pressure, it was about 140/49, and still they didn't admit him and just gave him some medications and asked him to go back. When the parents asked what was wrong with him, the stupid asshole who called himself a doctor said that it is stress related.

The second time the parents brought him to the hospital (on the day he died), the same thing happened, they have to wait for 2 hours despite the fact that my cousin's body has turned bluish and red spots had already appeared on his body. Only then they admitted him and did a blood test, which was way too late already. When my cousin cried in pain and keep moaning, they scolded him and accused him of being 'manja'. They also restrained him and tied his hands and legs, with an excuse that they have to do that since he struggled when they tried to insert a microscopic camera into his body. Asshole! What did they expect?! The boy was already miserable with painful joints and high fever, and they just want him to lay still while the abused his body?!!

When he died, blood already came out from his pores. But, the saddest part is, the hospital didn't want to admit their fault and declared his death as caused by lung failure, when everybody who saw his body knew that it was dengue. Even those with medical background also said it was dengue but the hospital chose to cover it up, fearing action because of their negligence and malpractice. I told my uncle to take action against the hospital but my action doesn't want to because he said what's done is done, it cannot bring his son back. But then, if we don't bring it up, they will do it to other people also, other people's son, daughter, husband, father, mother, wife. I told him it's ok if he doesn't want to take legal action, but please do something, at least send a complaint letter to the ministry. He just nodded his head and walked away. He is still mourning the sudden death of his son, I cannot blame him. Perhaps later I'll send a complaint letter. But if I disclose that it is dengue, most probably they want to do post mortem and want to excavate the body, it will open up again my aunt and uncle's wound.

It's shattering to lose somebody so suddenly. And the fact that the last I saw him was last year, during Raya Puasa. He was chirpy, funny and happy go lucky like always. This year, I didn't managed to see him, I only went back to Kelantan during Raya Haji and he didn't come to my house then. And I didn't stopped by at their house when in fact, I have to pass through Kuala Krai to reach KB. I take for granted to visit them, telling myself that I'll see them at my granny's house. It sadden me to know that I missed the opportunity to get to know my late cousin better, and now he no longer there.

So far, three people that I know died at young age. My classmate died of accident at the tender age of 18, my best friend's brother died because of accident at the age of 21 and I was the one who identified his body and now my cousin died at the age of 20. These deaths teach me that life is too precious to waste. We never know when death will visit us next. They teach me that love should be spoken and shown or else you will miss the chance to tell those whom matters to you that you love them. It teach me that it never too late or to shameful to say that I'm sorry, to admit my mistakes and salvage a broken relationship.

I hope I'll have the chance to do all that, to tell you, you and you that I love you, I care for you, I always remember you and that I'm sorry. Sorry for not always being there for you, sorry for not always keeping in touch, sorry for not calling you enough, sorry for not spending my time with you, sorry for my occasional emotional outburst, sorry for my irritations at you, sorry for whatever differences that drew us apart and sorry for not loving you enough...

Irama dan Lagu

Keluarga aku ni sebetulnya boleh dikatakan keluarga seni la jugak. Adik-adik lelaki aku semuanya berkebolehan bermain alat muzik seperti gitar dan drum dengan baik. Cuma yang pompuan jer macam hampeh, cuma reti main rekorder ngan clarinet jer. Bapak aku boleh bermain gitar dan keyboard, mak aku pulak, masa zaman sekolah dia selalu involve in theatre and traditional dance.

Semalam adik aku yang no. 4 buat showcase untuk final assignment dia. Adik aku ambik course muzik kat UiTM, specialising in modern guitar. So yesterday marks the end of his journey in getting his first tertiary education certificate, after travelling to 4 different higher learning institutes. Seriously, aku lega selega-leganya bila adik aku yang sorang ni at last berjaya jugak habiskan diploma dia. Dah 3 kali lari dari universiti, at last dia habiskan jugak diploma dia dalam bidang yang dia paling minat i.e. music.

Well, aku sebetulnya lagi prefer kalau dia pilih lagu yang boleh show off his ability in 'guitar shredding' dan fast pace macam lagu Enter Sandman, Feels Like Teen Spirits, Hotel California, Into the Night, Pawana, Isi dan Kulit, Bernafas dalam Lumpur etc but instead he chose to play lagu-lagu yang medium pace dan lebih kepada "jazzy/bluesy" feel like Summer Time. Untuk final number pulak he chose Langgam Pak Dogol by M. Nasir, which I think doesn't really show off his talent in guitar strumming due to the involvement of too many instruments in this number. Well, I'm not really an expert in guitar strumming and when i asked him why he chose such numbers he said he wanted to put more colours in his performance by diversifying the technique in guitar strumming.

Those of you who know about guitar, perhaps you can give me 101 lesson on this.

Last week pulak, adik aku yang no 6 datang KL untuk sign his recording contract. Aku dah pening, apasal semua sibuk nak jadi artis ni! Ingat boleh 'hidup' ke dengan jadi artis, kalau tak kena cara silap-silap aku yang kena menanggung! Belajar di buat main-main, sibuk dengan gig laa, show laa, last-last fail exam and kena tendang dari universiti. Sekarang sibuk nak jadi artis.

According to him his band need to sign the contract fast since their song has already been aired at Era. Aku tak puas hati sebab dia tak bawak balik dulu contract tu untuk aku review before dia sign. Pastu dia cakap pasal nak sign contract tu one day before dia pergi sign, so aku tak sempat nak apply cuti untuk accompany him to the record company. Aku taknak dia kena tipu. Remember Polygram Records vs The Search ? That case was one of my case study for restraint of trade and undue influence during my university day. Most of recording companies exercise undue influence by manipulating the artists eagerness to become recording artists, and it worries me because most of the recording contracts are standard contracts which give unfair advantage to the recording companies. As usual, me being the pernickety lawyer in the family!

Anyhow, this is my brother's song composed and written by him and his friend. Your opinion regarding this song is very much welcome.

Myra by Honey Clovers

Bila Hati Berbicara

Aku sebetulnya dah hilang punca atas dasar apa aku start blogging dulu. Makin lama aku perasan aku makin malas nak update. Bukannya tak ada benda yang nak aku utarakan dan bukan juga tak ada masa, kadang-kadang jer tak ada masa...tapi entahlah...

Mungkin juga kerana aku bukanlah seseorang yang jenis mencatatkan segala apa yang dilakukan atau apa jua yang terjadi dalam hidup. Dari zaman sekolah lagi aku bukanlah orang yang sebegitu. Aku pernah cuba menulis diari dulu tapi aku stop bila dapat tahu mak dengan kakak aku baca diari aku. Mungkin kerana itulah aku resort kepada penulisan puisi. Kerana penulisan puisi lebih abstrak bentuknya dan aku dapat meluahkan apa yang aku ingin luahkan tapi dalam cara yang subtle. Sebab kadang-kadang ada benda yang ingin kita luahkan itu bakal menyakitkan orang lain atau juga mungkin memalukan diri sendiri.

Aku rasa aku nak berehat atau mungkin bersara dari dunia blogging ni. Tapi macam sayang la pulak dengan blog ni. Walaupun entry aku tak banyak dan pengunjung pun tak banyak, tapi aku hargai setiap pengunjung yang datang. Aku kadang-kadang suka baca kembali apa yang aku tulis, dan aku perasan penulisan aku banyak dipengaruhi emosi.

Macam sekarang, emosi aku adalah malas. Maka terjadilah entry malas ini...

Entry takder Sivik

Kalau ada sumur di ladang
Boleh saya menumpang mandi
Kalau ada umur yang panjang
Boleh kita berjumpa lagi

Adios!!

p/s:

Dah...aku nak wat kerja sekarang!